pretty sure that’s what happened
A special Fourth of July post. If you love America, you’ll love the Welcome to Night Vale podcast. It does a great job walking the line between mocking the nutjobs who believe in world government black helicopters and the sheeple who don’t. A little something for everyone to hate.
The whole show, every episode, plays with credulity, but one segment from episode 14, “The Man in the Tan Jacket”, was in a category of its own. It’s not the most absurdly comical segment, but a striking reminder of the typical internet discussion regarding the relative probability of just about anything.
Early Saturday morning, Fun Complex cameras picked up blurry motion near the soda machine. The footage is quite fuzzy and difficult to discern. Perhaps it is merely rats or racoons digging through an uncovered supply of junk food. But it is, of course, much more likely that a lost nation of people, living in the bowels of a small town blowing alley, are finally revealing themselves. Taking our food supplies and preparing for war. ... It takes very little extrapolation to believe that they worship a god named Huntocar, who demands sacrifice to keep their underground city thriving in the absence of nourishing sunlight. And a fair assumption is that they are ruled by a child king, recently coronated, who is too weak to reign back the generals intent on marching upon us in war.
From time to time, somebody posts an unsourced account of that time the Secret Service tasered their cat because they googled for “how to make money”. As it makes the rounds of all the user news sites, somebody will inevitably post a comment pointing out some logical inconsistencies in the original and asking how the more fanciful events may have transpired. Someone will then reply, explaining everything with no facts and fewer sources. And finally comes the third comment, my favorite. “I’m pretty sure that’s what happened.”